walmart raised the price of film development again. it was only by a dollar and ten cents per roll, but it just made me want to cry. it sort of sucks having all these ideas because my ideas have become more mature and advanced which makes executing them a lot harder. i just feel so unhappy right now. i wish i knew more people who could help me, or that i actually had a job at a magazine. i can't get a job in my town. i can't drive a car. i don't have the props, money, models, locations. it's like i have all the pattern pieces, but not enough fabric and thread to actually bring anything together. and i'm not good at anything else. i'm not good at being a teenager. i guess i'm overreacting, but i really can't say without embarrassment how many nights i've spent these past few weeks just lying in my bed and feeling sad that i'm not going anywhere. and it's like i've done so much and tried so hard and spent so much money on film and cameras and i haven't really got much to show for it. nothing tangible, at least. i'm sorry guys. this wasn't meant to be so long and whiny, i just don't have anyone i feel comfortable talking to. i went to therapy twice in the summer but i hated it and lied my way out. i just don't want my family to worry about me. because i'm fine, i really am.