February 7, 2011


just a rough sketch of kurt cobain made out of boredom yesterday. graphite pencil plus black english tea stains on normal sketch paper with organic sugar sprinkled on top.

  walmart raised the price of film development again. it was only by a dollar and ten cents per roll, but it just made me want to cry. it sort of sucks having all these ideas because my ideas have become more mature and advanced which makes executing them a lot harder. i just feel so unhappy right now. i wish i knew more people who could help me, or that i actually had a job at a magazine. i can't get a job in my town. i can't drive a car. i don't have the props, money, models, locations. it's like i have all the pattern pieces, but not enough fabric and thread to actually bring anything together. and i'm not good at anything else. i'm not good at being a teenager. i guess i'm overreacting, but i really can't say without embarrassment how many nights i've spent these past few weeks just lying in my bed and feeling sad that i'm not going anywhere. and it's like i've done so much and tried so hard and spent so much money on film and cameras and i haven't really got much to show for it. nothing tangible, at least. i'm sorry guys. this wasn't meant to be so long and whiny, i just don't have anyone i feel comfortable talking to. i went to therapy twice in the summer but i hated it and lied my way out. i just don't want my family to worry about me. because i'm fine, i really am. 


  1. I'm the exact same way.. I have always come up with ideas for living my life, ideas that aren't possible living life as a teenager (for the most part). It sucks, but it's reality. We'll be out of teenagehood sooner than we think though, so just keep smiling, and taking wonderful photos <3

  2. Oh... I'm the same way. I know this fabulous vintage store with perfect dresses and shirts and accessories for shoots that I dream of, but I can't afford to buy expensive props when no one pays me for pictures.

  3. i feel the EXACT same way as you. i don't have anyone to take pictures of at all anymore, except my friends sometimes. and i can't even walk to places in my neighborhood by myself because my mom won't let me. she's all paranoid or something. so i'm stuck inside all day and i just waste my film on stupid pictures because i'm bored. or i take pictures in my yard which is nice, but just not what would look good in the photos i want to take. plus i'm terribly un-photogenic and i have horrible self esteem/confidence, and the thought of planning a shoot and asking people to model for me just makes me so nervous even thinking about it. i have so many ideas too, but i need so many things to be able to do them that it's pretty much impossible right now.

    sometimes it feels like everything/everyone is against me succeeding with my photos. including target and the way they suck-ily develop pictures. maybe i'll try walmart when i stop wasting film.

    i could go on forever but i'll stop now. haha.


constructive criticism is nice, but please be gentle with my little heart. also, spam is not very nice. do you email your mother with those fingers?!